I just read this (linked to by Jann) and laughed so much that my spicy sausage sandwich almost came out of my nose.

I had an unsolicited call from a recruitment consultant yesterday, she skipped the pleasantaries and immediately started trying to interrogate me. Where are you working? How long have you been there? What kind of role are you in? Who’s your manager? I stopped her and asked if she had called me with any jobs in mind, or if she was on an information gathering exercise so that she could then start cold calling my current and previous employers. It was obvious that she was fishing so I firmly but politely ended the call. The problem is that in the current climate it is not wise to upset people who might be able to find you your next contract. It’s also not wise to put them onto your current employer, they are bound to call your boss and drop you in it in some way.

Hours later in the back bedroom of 123 Osama Bin Laden Boulevard, The barrel of an AK47 is sticking out from behind the curtains, there’s a strong smell of cigar smoke.

Agent: “Are you in here Saddam?”
Saddam: “No.”
Agent: “Are you under the bed?”
Saddam: “No.”
Agent: “Are you behind the curtains?”
Saddam: “No.”
Agent: “I’m getting a Fimbling feeling!”
Saddam: “Boo!”

Guess what was on TV when I got home from work last night. The bloody Fimbles, that’s what. It took me all day to get the tune out of my head only to get it back as soon as I took my crash helmet off. The people in charge of programming at CBeebies ought to be hauled before the European Commission for Human Rights. Perhaps the CIA could use the Fimbles as part of their PsyOps when interrogating senior Iraqi POWs.

Cut to a darkened room containing a dishevilled Tariq Aziz. He is tied to a chair with a 32 inch TV in front of him. A tap drips menacingly in the backgound. A CIA agent is in the shadows holding aTV remote control...

Agent: “Where is Saddam Hussein?”
Tariq: “I don’t know.”
Agent: “Where is Saddam Hussein?”
Tariq: “I don’t know.”
Agent: “I’m getting a Fimbling feeling!”
Tariq: “Alright, alright I’ll tell you everything, just turn the TV off you evil bastard. He’s at 123 Osama Bin Laden Boulevard, Tikrit, behind the curtains in the back bedroom.”

How do they get the teflon to stick to non stick frying pans?

Guys, get in touch with your feminine side. Try throwing an object with the wrong hand. Go on, give it a go, it’ll make you throw like a girl.

Let's try that funky RSS feed thang again.

Brain FM is playing an extremely annoying tune this morning because Sam was watching The Fimbles as I was leaving for work. If you don’t have kids thank yourselves lucky that you’ve been spared the bloody Fimbles.

Did I miss an announcement? Is it “National Drive Like a Dickhead Day” today and nobody told me. I was almost knocked off my bike TWICE this morning. We’re not talking near miss here we’re talking emergency swerving to get the hell outta Dodge. Many thanks to the IAM, California Superbike School and Colin Fenton of Shire Training Services for equiping me with that particular skill. Now I know that bikes are hard to see blah blah blah, but it’s big, loud, red white and blue and has a big bloke on it wearing wall to wall dayglo. One of them, (the range Rover driver) didn’t bother to think, look or indicate before changing lanes at a junction. The other (the van driver) even looked at me for a few seconds before pulling out at me, he made me VERY ANGRY.

Right, I'm off to the pub.

After much hassle from Simon I believe that I've set up an RSS feed now. This is a posting to check if I set it up correctly.

A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre. So, the barman gave her one.

Eyethankyew!

Mmmmm. Double chocolate chip muffin. Mmmmm.

I received one of those nice feel good chain letter type emails from a friend this morning. It’s in the form of a letter from an 83 year old lady to her friend. I won’t post the whole thing but it boils down to this ...

“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.”

I watched American Pie 2 on TV last night. Brilliant, tacky yet delightfully unrefined.

It’s International Noise Awareness Day so set your mobile to vibrate, turn the stereo off (yes it does have an off button), mow the lawn tomorrow, leave the DIY for another day, type quietly, shut up and enjoy the peace and quiet.

This reminds me?

About six years ago, in sunny Balham (Gateway to the South). There was a difficult to like individual who lived next door to us. Kind of an Ali G type without the charisma. He had several derelict vans taking up parking spaces and a knackered BMW which was 90% speaker. He could rarely get the car to start but the first thing he always hit was the on button on the stereo. One Sunday afternoon he was messing with his car as usual, all the windows in the street were vibrating to crap (or is it rap) music blasting out of the 10,000,000 watt speakers that took up the boot of the BMW. So, Mr Community spirit went to discuss it with him...

Me: “scuse me mate.”
Me: “SCUSE ME MATE.”
Ali G: “WOT?”
Me: “Can you turn it down a bit please?”
Ali G: “WOT?”
Me: “CAN YOU TURN IT DOWN A BIT PLEASE?”
Ali G: “I’m testing it.”
Me: “wot?”
Ali G: “WOT?”
Me: “WOT?”
Ali G: “I’M TESTING IT.”
Me: “It works.”
Ali G: “WOT?”
Me: “FORGET IT!”

TWAT! Hope he goes mutton!

Blogger's block.

Test posting via email

I posted this via email. Not very interesting but it is another step forward. Next I'll be sorting out my permalinks and RSS to keep Small Values of Cool happy.

By the way, congratulations to Sarah and Colin who became the proud parents of baby Amelia last weekend. Believe it or not Sarah was late.

I can now update my blog via email. I’ve tested it using my work email account but I get a huge legalese disclaimer at the bottom. Anyone have any suggestions?

This will have a certain blogger I know hot footing it to Harrods today. Won’t it Elaine?

Recruitment advert on the side of a bus in Southampton looking for people 18+ with a clean driving licence to train as bus drivers. Am I the only person who thinks that an 18 year old is probably not the best person to be driving a bus?