Right, sod this for a game of wossname

I'm off clubbing with a bunch of hookers (and slicers) for the weekend. Oh, and perhaps have a few beers!

Spring chicken to shitehawk in 90 miles

It's not often that I go out for a motorcycle ride just for the sake of it these days: I usually just do my daily commute with the occasional detour to find some bends. So, yesterday evening's ride out with Stuart was an absolute pleasure. It was a nice warm evening, the roads we chose were superb with loads of twisty turny stuff to scrub off the "chicken stripes" on my tyres. Stuart hasn't been riding very long, this was apparent at the start of the ride so it was great to see him gaining confidence and relaxing with every mile we rode. It's easy to forget, as an experienced rider, what life is like as a novice, so the ride was equally as valuable to me as it re-focussed my mind on the advanced riding principles which I've probably been guilty of taking for granted of late. The last fifteen miles or so were a hoot on a great road with lots of bends, plenty of overtaking (each other mainly) and no traffic. On the downside, I got a fly in the cakehole in Farnham, that'll learn me to close my visor and my big northern gob!

A happy day

Driving into the car park this morning I stopped to pay my two quid (what a bargain!) and had to dig deep into my back pocket to find enough change. Always a difficult manoeuvre when wearing a seatbelt, I made a comment to the attendant that money was hard to come by. He gave me a big beaming grin and replied, "It’s Friday money, Friday is always a happy day." Made my day.

Ride it like you stole it

My colleague Stuart recently passed his motorcycle test and bought a nice shiny Honda CBR600. We're going him out to play this evening, so if you're on the roads around Surrey and Hampshire and see two leather clad, grinning lunatics come hooning past you it'll be us.

Mwahahahahahahahahah!

Not home alone

Cathy and Sam are heading up North, where it's grim, for a few days to see Grandma and Granddad in sunny Southport. I shall be staying in watching some TV and doing a few chores around the house and garden. Except of course: tonight when I'm out drinking with Simon up London; tomorrow when I'm off for a "spirited" motorcycle ride with my colleague Stuart; Friday, Saturday and Sunday when I'm playing golf and drinking with Swiss Toni and Tad in Bournemouth and Monday when I’ll probably be resting.

Update: Anyone who feels the need for a beer or three this evening is very welcome to join us (from around 6:30pm).

Who's guffed?

So, there I was, minding my own business, buying a new pair of trousers this afternoon when I became aware of the person next to me wandering off. I paid this little or no attention until I was enveloped in a spreading, green, putrid cloud of noxious fumes. The dirty little sod had dropped one and buggered off leaving me to take the blame. Get some medical help mate! The assistant chose that exact same moment to come and offer to assist me, "Can I help you S... Oh my god who's farted?" She didn't stay very long, in fact she took one breath and scarpered, handkerchief clamped over her nose and mouth, eyes a-streaming, the curls dropping out of her hair, towards the ladies department where things, presumably, smell a little sweeter. From now on I shall be known in some parts of Guildford as the man who cleared the mens department in Gap.

Neveratoss is innocent!

Kerrraaaaaash!

I took a car load of panes of glass from our ex-greenhouse to the dump yesterday. Throwing them, four panes at once, into a recycling skip appealed to my inner vandal. I think I might start doing bus stops and phone booths next.

Football football football

You won't often see a posting on the subject of football on neveratossBlog but … Congratulations to the mighty Huddersfield Town on their promotion to the second division. Well done lads!