I wish I'd looked after me teeth

One of my greatest regrets (I have a few, too few to mention) is that I didn't look after my teeth when I was younger. I've had a knackered one for years, a bit loose, but it's dead, root filled, what could possibly go wrong. So I've done nothing about it. Then, all of a sudden on a Friday afternoon, it starts. I can feel abscess growing (and contrary to popular belief, abscess doesn't make the heart grow fonder). I can see my night of pain all laid out in front of me. I managed to get an appointment tomorrow morning at 11:30 which is an awful long way away. I may be spending some time surfing the web munching paracetemol in the wee small hours. Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck, fuck fuck fuck! Look after your teeth kids!

Update: Got some serious pain killers from the chemist. You know when it says on the packet, "take one tablet every four hours, do not exceed the stated dose?" Should you read this before you throw two tablets down your neck?

The big tantalising tease

We have a vending machine at work for chocolate and stuff. There's a Chocolate Orange bar in there. The problem is that it's tucked away behind two healthy looking meuseli bars. Buggerit!

Sought and destroyed

On a personal note, I am saddened by the news that RAF Coltishall in Norfolk will be closed and its Jaguar squadrons disbanded. I served in the RAF for almost seven years, most of that time was spent on 41(F) Squadron (RIC) at RAF Coltishall. The squadron was formed in 1916 and has served with distinction in every conflict since. The RAF and I were not really compatible, "He was a square peg in a round hole" said one ex-CPL Smith. I recognised this and left way back in 1985. I have fond memories and a place in my heart for my old squadron, the people I worked with, RAF Coltishall, the fine city of Norwich and the county of Norfolk. It will be a sad, sad day indeed, I now look forward to my invitation to what should be the mother of all parties when they perform their final fly past.

Defence cuts

The BBC ask the question "What happens to small towns when the military leave?" The answer to that is that the fat ugly birds can't get boyfriends anymore.

I would like to make a complaint please

Your call is not important to use, you are in a queue and we have no intention of answering your call so just listen to this crap music for half an hour before we cut you off. Repeat until you lose the will to live, we do not give a shit. Apparently rail user complaints have dropped by 30%. Does anyone believe that the service has improved so much? Nope, thought not! Has anyone tried making a complaint recently? I know that Swiss Toni has.

Sorting the Wheatsheaf from the chaff

Trawling the interwebnet last night looking for a nice country pub in the Yorkshire Dales for Cathy and I to spend a weekend eating, drinking and walking. I was under-whelmed, as usual, by the overwhelming amount of useless information a simple Google Search for Yorkshire Dales Pubs returns. Mainly lists of irrelevant list of lists and half baked home made web sites with scans of pen and ink drawings of what might be a nice pub, but probably isn not. Every cloud has a silver lining of course, I might have found the ideal job for me, visiting pubs, testing the food and ale, passing judgement and sorting out their crap web sites for a fee. Tadaaaaaa!

Well, it was a fly past, not a fly over

The good ol' boys of the United States Air Force missed the Farnborough Air Show in their B52. Good job they weren't supposed to be carpet bombing the place eh? I bet Osama Bin Laden is laughing his beard off from the relative safety of his mountain cave hideaway near Frimley Green, Surrey. Does the phrase "you couldn’t hit a bull in the arse with a shovel" mean anything to ya Tex? Maybe they forgot to mention in the briefing that Farnborough is a big fek off airfield with lots of state of the art aircraft parked all over it and massive crowds. Blackbush on the other hand is a little airfield with a massive car boot sale all over it. Muppets!

Did I mention…

…that I almost got an eagle yesterday evening? Drove the green on a 250 yard par 4 then missed a fifteen foot putt by about a foot. Sunk it for a birdie though. Just ask the three moor hens and two rabbits who witnessed the event.

There goes my nice uncomplicated mobile phone then

The beauty of Virgin Mobile, for me, has been a low standard rate for all calls, no line rental, no contract and no fucking about, simple. They're about to float on the stock market. Now watch it all go tits up. I'll probably be expected to sign up to a complex plan for twelve months with 5 million "free" minutes every Shrove Tuesday if I'm standing on one leg and it's raining. All for the knock down bargain basement price of three times as much as I spend now.

Neveratoss, tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime

That nice Mr Blunkett is going to start cracking down on anti social behaviour, using: ID Cards, electronic tagging, satellite tracking and fat stupid people dressed up as policemen with hardly any power at all. I have a suggestion, it won’t stop all crime, but it will be a start. I suggest that anyone wearing a track suit and baseball cap who is not actively involved in, or on their way to or from participating in a sport should be given a damned good thrashing and be locked up.

Parasite

An organism that grows, feeds, and is sheltered on or in a different organism while contributing nothing to the survival of its host. See also: fleas, ticks, tapeworms, lice, leeches, ticket touts, recruitment consultants, independent financial advisors, estate agents, in fact any kind of agent apart from secret, and comment spammers. I'll be spending a couple of hours cleaning up my comments again then.

Guilford festival

The Neveratoss clan went "crusty" yesterday at the Guilfest. I wore my hair in dreadlocks and had my clitoris pierced, Cathy spent the day naked (underneath her clothes of course) and, as we don’t have a dog we kept Sam on a piece of string all day and fed him hand knitted tofu burgers. Guilfest is a nice little festival, very family friendly with some nice second string bands and plenty of tie dyed crap to buy. Unfortunately we missed the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain but more than made up for that with Midge Ure, The Saw Doctors, The Hamsters, Ocean Colour Scene and UB40 (who I personally do not like and never have). Unfortunately, I missed seeing The Love Spuds. The Saw Doctors were great, proper Irish (eyediddlydidi) stuff which evoked strong, happy memories of my time in Australia getting drunk with a great bunch of mates and picking up loose women (how dare I call my wife a loose woman?) in Irish bars. In spite of doom laden weather forecasts from the BBC's finest, it remained fine and sunny for most of the day, some of us got a little burned. A very tired little boy fell fast asleep when he finally got to bed, Sam on the other hand fought tooth and claw against the arrival of the sandman.

Tastelessness by virtue of being cheap and vulgar

No, not a new tagline for nevertossBlog. I spotted one of the girls from work sitting outside on the step having a smoke. She was leaning forward exposing a tacky yet delightfully unrefined red G-string, a generous portion of brickie's cleavage and a slightly Celtic looking tattoo with the initials "TAT" in the middle of it. She is either using her body as a canvass for a piece of post modern feminist irony or she didn't check the dictionary before she labelled herself permanently as "tasteless by virtue of being cheap and vulgar". Grandma, what does TAT mean? Daft cow!