The Return of the Failed to Return

Someone is sitting in the naughty corner at work today because he failed to return from a rather liquid lunch yesterday.

Old joke overheard on train this morning

Q. What's the difference between a sperm and an IT project manager?
A. A sperm has a 1 in 50,000,000 chance of becoming a human being.

Off the rails

A massive queue for tickets, due to the absence of the worlds most cheerful ticket lady, caused me to catch my train with only seconds to spare this morning. This meant no coffee and no newspaper, leaving me both grumpy and ill informed.

Sometimes I just can't help leading with the chin.

We are the champions

The neveratoss family excelled at their chosen sports yesterday. In golf, I scored a massive 34 Stapleford points, thanks to a blinding back nine, making me the joint winner of our three ball. Meanwhile, Sam romped home to win the under 5's race at the school sports day: mainly due to watching The Incredibles 427 times and the fact the other under 5's all ran in different directions.

Sod this for a game of soldiers

I'm off to play golf.

A blistering round

The best way to break in a pair of brand spanking new fresh out of the box golf shoes is probably NOT to play eighteen holes in them.

The beauty of an IT department

The second floor in our building was populated by mainly young, mainly attractive customer service girls (average age: 20, average IQ: 20). The four members of the IT department who had the privilege of working on the second floor, (average age: 46, average IQ: 20) dirty old men the lot of them, were quite smug about this arrangement. So, we slung the pretty young things out and moved the rest of the IT department to the second floor. It now resembles the grand final of the world gurning championships.

Blogger Help

Blogger seems to be stuffing up my page layout. When I view the page source I'm seeing extra tags inserted around my blog item body which are not in my template which look like this...

<div style="clear:both;" > </div> text <div style="clear:both; padding-bottom: 0.25em;" > </div>

I had a look at Blogger Buzz as suggested by Gordon but it don't do nuffink! Does anyone have any suggestions (apart from switching to WordPress which is already on my to do list)?

Send three and fourpence, we're going to a dance

What was said to the Project Manager, "After three days of analysis we have discovered where the problem lies. We are now working on a solution which, assuming no further problems, should be ready to unit test by the end of the day."

What the Project Manager actually heard, "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, end of the day."

I might as well be trying to push a kilo of butter up my own arses with a red hot needle.