I like to watch...

...and if you do you should have a look at this.

Training and practice prevents motorcycle accident

Or

Stupid old bloke almost causes motorcycle accident

It was raining pretty heavily yesterday evening as I left the office and started home on my trusty Fireblade. I made a few predictions to myself, the main thread being that I fully expected the Great British driving public to be acting like total feking eeeejits. I was right; well bugger me, what a surprise! Tailgating, lane hogging, comfort braking, panic braking, tunnel vision, undertaking, the whole schmeer of suicidal, dumb, anti social behaviour was going on.

I was making my way in an orderly fashion, through a village (at the 40mph limit); around a right hand bend which has a side road on the left. At this junction was an old man in a dark green Citroen waiting to turn right. He gave way to the two cars in front of me, looked directly at me and pulled out. When he registered the fact that there was a motorcycle executing a perfect wet weather emergency stop he stopped as well. And started shouting at me, the stupid, doddering old bastart.

This was not a funny situation, Cathy might have been explaining to Sam this morning why Daddy isn’t coming home from work anymore. The man would probably claim not to have seen me, he would have had to take an eye test to keep his licence and be allowed to drive some more. He did see me, he looked directly at me, I ride a big, noisy, red, white and blue motorcycle with the headlight on, and I ride in a dominant position on the road. I am very visible, he just didn’t register the fact that I was there, he simply didn’t see me as a threat like the cars he gave way to. I debated following him to have a chat but decided that would probably be a bad idea, big mean biker upsets doddering old man. I debated calling the police but they would do sod all as he wasn’t speeding and they’re all looking for kids with an “Henry of hash” in Guildford town centre. So, I took a deep breath and headed off to join the next batch of halfwits.

I’ve spent a large amount of time and money on advanced rider training. I often practice emergency stops and avoidance techniques, I ride (and drive) with a plan, I’m a safe, competent rider, I’ve got certificates to prove it ferchrissake! I suspect that out there on Stupid Street, the majority of people have not done anything to improve their driving skills since they took their test. This is unacceptable, our vehicles need to be tested for roadworthiness every year, we should be as well, regular training, eye tests, Highway Code tests and driving skills tests should be introduced. If we fail any of them then our licences should be revoked until we can pass the tests.

Be the best...

I just saw an advert on the side of a passing bus... It read "There’s a job in the Army with your name on it."

later that day...

Mum: "Hi Steve, how's the new job in the Army?"
Me: "Great, apart from the getting shot at part."
Mum: "What exactly do you do?"
Me: "I'm a Steve."

This made me chuckle

Drag your cursor over the image in this link. Not SFW if someone can see over your shoulder.

Courtesy of my strange friend Andrew, who eats lots of dried fruit.

How many hits?

My site meter tells me that I had over ninety hits yesterday. This is considerably less than the number of hits it took me to slice, hook, top and generally hack my frustrated way around Chilworth Golf Course yesterday evening. Bloody stupid game. Swiss Tony did good though. Same time next week?

Right...

I’m off to play golf, so the aptitude test for me over the next few hours is "where did my ball go this time?"

Better than a good afternoon at work though!

If John has two apples and Janet has four bananas...

... will the software be ready on Friday as the marketing department promised the client over a long expensive lunch?

I have a technical interview next week which requires me to take a real sonofabitch of an aptitude test (good job it’s not an attitude test). I'm a little out of practice and need to get the brain muscles toned up a bit (well a lot). Does anyone know of any sites where I can take Programmer Aptitude Tests online or get example questions to work on?

Running

I’ve been talking the talk for a while now about starting running again, I used to be a good runner when I was a lad, I was always in the cross country team. Those days are long gone, I never seem to have the time these days, so yesterday I resolved to make an effort. I measured out a two mile circuit around home and made a start last night. On the advice of a friend who runs marathons, I kept my expectations small with the plan of walking the circuit at a brisk pace. I ended up running about half of it and didn’t fall to the ground clutching my chest. I'll see if I can change the route soon to include a pub and an Indian retaurant.

There's no point having a blog if you can't have a rant...

I fill in a form. I take a printed copy of this form to a lady who keys it into the same computer that I use but I am not authorised to do this task myself. The computer checks that all the codes are entered and tells you if they are valid. Valid in this case doesn't mean correct, you could key in a bunch of incorrect codes as long as they are valid codes, "seventeen monkeys per square fortnight" for example. The lady doesn't know which codes are valid. There is no way of looking up the correct codes, you have to know them. The computer simply says "invalid code." Eventually, we guess some codes which make the computer happy and the it gives me a number which the lady kindly writes on my form. I take it away, key the number into my electronic version of the form and move on to the next stage of the admistrivia paperchase.

It's official, I don't have a personality...

...disorder. Tilesy suggested that I take this test after my last post.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Let’s talk about me

Following on from the current blog trend, interview me. How about I interview me where I get to ask myself five questions. Extra points if it all goes Jerry Springer. Extra extra points if I start a fight. Extra extra extra points if I get laid.

Representation versus reality

What people imagine a career as a freelance IT contractor would be, and what it actually is.