It’s a fair cop, occifer!

Due to recent deregulation of priveledged information you can now access DVLA speed camera information to see if you have any pending speeding tickets.

You can use this login: 323
Password: 323

from my strange friend Andrew

Let's go surfin' now, everybody's learning how, come on and safari with me ...

This is it, the lad’s surfing weekend in Newquay has arrived. Four of us from work (Tad, Tony, Robin and moi) are knocking off at lunchtime and heading west to Newquay in Cornwall for a weekend of sun, sand, sea and surfing (oh and a few beers). We’re gonna try to learn to surf. We’re staying at this campsite and will be having a half day surf lesson with these guys on Saturday morning on Fistral Beach. Come and watch, have a laugh, we’ll be easy to spot, just watch out for the crowd of surfers and lifesavers laughing and pointing and shaking their heads.

Midlife crisis, Moi?

What shall we call our new primate?

Following on from the last couple of postings, give this one a spank. It is, believe it or not SFW.

You can’t beat it

Well according to this article, you can and you should, and it’s good for you. It’s from the BBC, it must be true.

and you won't go blind.

Here you go...

This was told to me in the pub last night by my friend Andrew, a rather strange chap at the best of times.

So, this guy gets a job at the local zoo as a keeper. On his first day he is busy cleaning out the fish tank when one of the fishes bites him. He hits it with his shovel killing it stone dead. "What shall I do with the body?" he thinks, "I know, I’ll throw it into the lions cage, they’ll eat anything". Later he is cleaning out the chimpanzees when they start throwing nuts at him, he lashes out with his shovel and kills two of the chimanzees. Again he thinks "what shall I do with the bodies" and again "I’ll throw them in the lions cage, they’ll eat anything". Later still he’s cleaning out the African bees when they start stinging him. He lashes out with his shovel squashing the lot of them. He shovels the bodies into the lions cage thinking "lions will eat anything".

The next day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He introduces himself to the other lions and asks "is the food any good here?" One of the other lions say "yes, it’s not bad, yesterday we had fish, chimps and mushy bees".

Boom tish, eyethangyew!

Spam

Via Sashinka come seven common sense things we (consumers) can do to combat spam.

I’ve always subscribed to the idea (but not the mailing list) that I will not buy things from people who hassle me, whether it be credit cards, insurance, lucky feking heather, double glazing or a bigger willy. As soon as the application form/website starts asking for marital status, annual income and so on, I walk. I always check/uncheck the box that says "can we pass on your details...".

The reason I get spammed is because a significant enough number of people fall for this crap, they believe in something for nothing, a free lunch. I pay the price for their free, usually annoying and completely unneccessary ringtones that they have saved up 468 ring pulls from coke cans and then traded their personal details for.

I’m the king of the swingers, oh!

Golf yesterday afternoon was good. The slice has been (mainly) cured by a slight change of grip. I’ve slowed down my swing a little and stopped trying too hard. I managed to par a couple of holes including a very tricky par three. My best drive was across the valley on the 14th which I followed up by making a complete hash of the following several shots. Best hole was the eighth. Chiddingfold is a very pleasant course with great views over the Surrey countryside. Several testing holes, the locals seem friendly enough and the nineteenth is quite pleasant. I think I might be getting the bug.

Another tart, vicar?

Yesterday afternoon on my way home from work I was passing the nice little church in the small village of Langrish, Hampshire. Outside the church gate there is a small lay by, in the lay by was a small white hatchback car. At the rear of the car loading/unloading boxes, was a man, about six feet tall, unshaven, with long curly black hair (possibly a syrup) and a cigarette hanging from his mouth. This man was wearing a tight white blouse, a very short tight mini skirt, black stockings, suspenders and high heels. I can only assume that it was the vicar.

Happy news

Congratulations to Andy (and his missus of course) on the birth of his son Alexander yesterday morning.

Summertime and the living is easy, well sticky.

Thankfully it’s a bit cooler today, I can’t handle hot weather any more. I know this isn’t really hot compared to other places, but roll on autumn. I slept badly last night and woke early so I got a head start on the day. My bike ride to work was superb, the usual stuff, light traffic, overtakes, knee down corners, I love my Fireblade. To top it all off, I have a half day so I can play golf at Chiddingfold (probably Surrey’s best kept secret) with my father in law, hopefully we can cure my slice.

Pass the Blog Roll

I've added a proper blogroll over there on the right. I'll be working on it over the next few days so if you dropped out of my old links I'll include you again. If I visit your blog regularly I'll be adding you. One new entry is Burning Life's Instruction Book where ranting is an art form.

Not by the hairs of my chinny chin chin

On the way home this evening (I kid you not) I first passed a lorry load of straw (well, hay). Then I passed a lorry load of sticks (well, logs). Then a lorry load of bricks (you couldn't make this up).

My conclusion is that the three little pigs are relocating to Winchester. Watch this space for further developments.

Things not to do at work

Spill a large cup of three day old coffee in your lap whilst wearing khaki trousers and sitting on the edge of a colleagues desk.

Doh!

A cautionary (but beautifully written) tale

i blog, therefore i am... unemployed

from sassylittlepunkin

I'm a little busy at work right now so ...

In the spirit of John Bull

I am...




Jolly good, wot! Anyone for tennis? That'll be ten ponies, guv. You're the epitome of everything that is English. Yey :) Hoist that Union Jack!

How British are you?

this quiz was made by alanna

via What’s Doing

Familiar Strangers

Every day on my way to work I fill up the bike at the same petrol station. I usually exchange pleasantries with the lady who works there. So, yesterday I filled the car up there and went through the usual repartee. The lady was looking at me as if she should know me but didn’t, until I covered most of my face and mumbled the words "crash helmet". "It’s you!" she exclaimed, "we all wondered what you looked like".

Blogging on a Sunday

Whatever next. Cathy's parents and brother are visiting so Daddy doesn't seem to be getting a look in with Sammy. They've all headed off to a local steam driven fairground leaving me all alone doing admin and motorcycle cleaning.

Oh, and drinking a very cold beer or two.

Ho Hum!