Knobheadware – Unproductive projects and teams

Here's a competition for all you IT professionals out there. You've all read Peopleware. You have read Peopleware, haven't you? Right. You've have a small team working on a suite of software. They're doing OK, the team has "gelled", they've fought their corner on deadlines and methods. You've been kept well informed of each step in the project. They have already delivered phase one (of two) on time, within budget and scope, with a more than an acceptable level of quality. They're now within 6 hours of doing the same with phase two. Your challenge, at this late stage in the project, is to totally fuck them up. What do you do? C'mon, let's be creative here, the clock is ticking!

The chicken or the egg

Two wrongs don't make a right but for the sake of balance, justify this you fucking war mongering, evil, sorry excuses for human beings.

The war against terror continues - Kind of makes you feel safe eh!

Justify this (slides 3 and 4 in particular) if you think you can… You fucking war mongering, evil, sorry excuses for human beings.

And…

So, Steve, when will this problem be fixed?
What problem?
They sent you an email this morning.
I can't receive emails today, there's a problem with the server, I thought everyone knew.
That's probably why you didn't respond to it then.
Yup!
OK, I'll forward you a copy. When do you think you'll have it fixed?

I'm going to have to use the "F" word soon.

Keep banging the rocks together guys.

We have a problem with our mail servers today. Technical support have, apparently, sent an email to this end and will send another when the fault is rectified.

Open Source – I'll drink to that

You've all heard of Open Source software. Well, here's an Open Source Beer.

Thanks Simon

Fatherhood

You're standing naked in your bedroom about to get dressed after your shower, your four year old son walks into the room, points and laughs hysterically.