Observations from an afternoon in Littlehampton on Saturday with Sam.
A very fat, pasty white, ginger haired kid waddling down a shingle beach holding his breasts to stop them bouncing around. Same kid not spotting the obvious clues that the water is very cold, there's no-one else in the sea apart from a fully dressed, teenage idiot who is being pelted with rock by his "mates" whilst freezing to death. The same fat kid a few minutes later waddling back up the beach, much wetter, colder and a paler shade of blue than on the way down.
Endless thickets of "white trash" (can I say that?), facial tattoos and piercings on display, wearing matching track suits, matching Burberry caps, smoking matching cigarettes, drinking matching cans of coke, all on their matching mobile phones, walking the walk along the promenade.
The haves and have nots in the shape of a brace of old age pensioners sitting on a bench eating fish and chips from the paper, admiring a multi million pound motor yacht moored nearby. The owners of the motor yacht eating a rather nice lunch on deck, oblivious to the presence, or even the existence, of the pensioners.
A mini funfair staffed by teenagers who don't seem to give a damn about anything other than the very important text message they are punching into their mobile phones. No time to look at, let alone acknowledge the people who are paying their wages. The flub running the kiddie's speedway ride who can't muster such simple pleasantries as "Hello" and "Thank You", but can shout, "Stand behind the yellow line" though a microphone at the father of the only little boy on his ride. Shuts up, backs down and hides sharpish when glared at by aforementioned father.
Paying for everything with tokens which you buy from a very unhelpful machine, which doesn't seem to take English money, at a rate of 4 tokens for a pound because the funfair owners don't trust their employees with cash.
Shops selling crap.
Adults dressed like children and children dressed like adults.
Saying, "Look at that nice little doggy, Sam" and receiving a mouthful of abuse from it's chav owner in return. The owner buggering off when challenged over this response leaving her twelve year old daughter to apologise.
A happy little boy, his face covered in ice cream laughing at his daddy who has just dropped his ice cream on the beach. A happy little boy throwing pebbles into the sea and running from the waves. A happy little boy doing tricks on the trampoline and running around like a thing possessed in the bouncy castle.
