Hasta los huevos, baby!

In the UK, we "over egg" our dossiers, in the US they "over egg" Arnold Schwarzenegger. Now, am I the only one to have seen "The Terminator", "Total Recall", "Predator", "The Running Man"? One does not throw eggs at Anrold Schwarzenegger! John Prescott can throw a punch, Arnie can pull your head off and poo in the hole.

I need your clothes and your bike, and stop throwing eggs at me, you almost hit my hair!

And, does anyone who doesn't listen to BBC Radio 4 actually know what over egging means? We don't eat puddings anymore, over or under egged, unless we go to public school.

Interview question

To help Eloon.

So, you work for a bank and you're in charge of hiring a new teller. You ask all three candidates the same question...

If a customer comes into the bank and deposits a million pounds in cash and leaves without a receipt, what do you do?

Candidate one replies: "I would report the incident to my manager immediately."
Candidate two replies: "I would keep half the money and report the rest to my manager."
Candidate three replies: "I would keep all the money and bugger off to Barbados."

Who gets the job?

Answers on a comment please.

Answer: The one with the biggest tits gets the job.

I'm going to spank you past the point of no return!!!

According to this Battle Cry Generator via Yorkshire Soul

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Yea, verily: Who is that, prowling through the hotel lobby! It is Stevan, hands clutching a meaty axe! And with a mighty roar, his voice cometh: "I'm going to spank you past the point of no return!!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Update: Check out Swiss Tony's battle cry, it makes the rest of us look like nuns.

You just gotta feel sorry...

...for this guy. Nope!

Right...

...I've just replied to an email which would probably stuff my career prospects here if I weren't sacked anyway, so I'm orf to play golf.

Top of the food chain

Put your meagre salary into perspective; where do you fit in on the Global Rich List food chain.

via Burnt Toast

Street drinkers

Like most cities, there are a lot of street drinkers in Southampton. They are easy to distinguish from the locals, they aren’t wearing track suits trousers, Real Madrid football shirts and Burbury baseball caps. They seem to be congregating near our offices, I had to squeeze past them this morning. I suspect that they are waiting to fill the power vacuum when myself and the other freelancers leave at the end of the month.

September already?

Yesterday was September 1st, the greetings card shops in Southampton are displaying Halloween masks, fake pumpkin lanterns and witches hats. On BBC 2 last night was a re-run of the Never Mind the Buzzcocks Christmas show. May I be the first to wish you all a happy Easter.

Public service announcement

Trap one in the gent's WC on the fifth floor is temporarily out of service due to the fact that some dickhead has broken the flush handle off and dropped it down the toilet.

Update: Swiss Tony is now going under the nom-de-crap of Dickhead

There can be only one...

I asked for English mustard on my ham sandwich, I was offered Dijon mustard. C'mon, don't you know nuffink?

Southampton High Street today

Kids dressed as adults and adults dressed as kids.

Show us your nuts!

This year's must have car accessory.

via Yorkshire Soul