Right, that's it

I'm not convinced that you lot take me seriously enough. I'm off to the pub.

Actually...

I almost had a pedantic moment there. The minutes of a recent meeting discuss programmes when in fact the subject of the discussion was programs. I almost gave the impression of giving a toss, which simply wouldn't do!

'scuse me miss

We've never met but, I was just wondering if could come around to your house on Monday morning whilst you get ready for work. Nothing seedy, I don't want to see you naked or anything. I'd just like to sit next to you, really close, whilst you apply your make up and put on your perfume. If you could jostle my elbow whilst brushing your hair, preventing me from reading my silly old newspaper. Perhaps some of your hair could fall into my lap or I might get a spray of Issy Myake to wear all day. No? Why not? We did exactly that this morning except we were on a crowded commuter train. Get ready for work at home you stupid tart!

Luddites

Twice this week I have sat next to a colleague who does things the hard way. One of them cuts and pastes like a girl, all slow and clicky pointy. You've all seen them, highlight using the mouse, point at the cut icon, click the cut icon, position the cursor etc. etc. etc. The other (and he’s not alone) uses a steam driven, pre-industrial, tool to look at data in spite of the fact that we have SQL. I just wanted to shout at them!

Use some keyboard shortcuts and learn SQL: it'll make your life easier.