Colonic irritation

Like Simon, I too have resolved to improve my use of punctuation marks. I don't want to claim a window seat in the pedantic ivory tower: I'm writing more since I took up blogging and feel the need to improve. An interesting side effect will be that I will be able to deliberately punctuate incorrectly, causing the pedants to stop before they correct me, wondering if I did it on purpose just for a bit of sport.

I feel that I already have a decent command of common or garden punctuation: commas, full stops and apostrophe’s (did I do that on purpose?) present me with no real problem. So, after some research, I thought that I would start by writing something demonstrating some of the correct, according to the Oxford Compact English Dictionary, uses of the colon. For example: following the phrase for example. I used one in the above paragraph between two clauses: the second of which enlarges upon or follows on from the first. Look I did it again. I also used one to introduce a list of items. A further use of the colon is to introduce a quote, so I hope that I can, as Lord Acton wrote: "Learn as much by writing as by reading".

They can also be used, as often they are, as part of the large intestine.

Blue touch paper lit, comment box open, retire to safe distance.

Bike, pint, girls, 4rse

I've always liked a lady with a rear end that you can park your bike in and rest a pint on; the fuller figure is full of vigour in my book. So the fact that J-Lo is back on the market would have come as great news to me if my bike weren’t already nicely parked within easy reach of my pint.

Diamond dogs

I just finished reading Alastair Reynolds' sci-fi novella, Diamond dogs (just started Turquoise days). I enjoyed it immensely but I won't launch into a review of it: enjoyment of a book is subjective as far as I'm concerned. So, for you literary types out there, what's the difference between a novel and a novella? Is it like the difference between a Nigel and a Nigella (gratuitous link), a pie and a paella or a salmon and salmonella? C'mon, do you think it's easy sitting here making this stuff up?

Blogday blathering

NeveratossBlog is one year old. I never though that I'd keep it up, said the blogger to the actress. Thanks for visiting. Your persistent optimism that one day I'll write something worthwhile amazes even me. My objectives when I started were unclear, I wanted to get my head around the hinterwebnet, to learn some technical stuff, to see if I could write. I hoped that it would be a springboard into something new, maybe not the definitive novel of the twenty first century but my own column in the Sunday Sport would have been nice. In fact, what I've got out of it is much more than that. I look at life differently, with a more critical eye and from different angles. I seek out humour in the most bizarre of situations, I express myself better, I believe that my writing has improved not only in my bloggage but in my personal and professional life. I've gained an insight into, and a new respect for, other people's lives, loves, views, opinions, strengths, weaknesses, hopes and fears. I've learned where to use apostrophe's and where to find advice or opinions on any subject. The best bit of all is that I have made some real virtual friends in a virtually real world. I've even had real beers with some of you. I hope to have real beers with many more of you. So, neveratossBlog will continue, mwahahahahahahahah!

Bouncy, flouncy, trouncy, pouncy fun fun fun

Have a look at this which is most definitely NOT SAFE FOR WORK

via my mate Andy who went to public school.

21, 22, 23, 25, 24

Bugger. This CNPS lark is as frustrating as hell, you wait almost four months for a 21 then you see a 22, a 23, a 25 and a 24 on the same day. Of course, the 25 doesn't count because of the god damned C in CNPS. Stupid game.

BTW, if you're just starting out, go to Esher where every second car is a 4, 5 or 6.

Hey look

Swiss Toni has updated his blog. Call the Cat's Protection league.

Eating oysters...

...is like licking snot off of a tortoise.

I seem to be going through a snot and oyster phase. Any psychotherapists out there like to have a go?

A cowd id de dose

Everyone in our house has a horrible cold at the moment. I just spent the last half hour riding my bike home from work having snot drip fed into the back of my throat. Anyone fancy an oyster? Ptoooooieeee!