Dread Pirate Flint

Is my pirate name, find out what yours is here you scurvey dog. Arrrr!

Yo ho ho me hearties

Avast ye lubbers! Today be Talk Like a Pirate Day. Me timbers are shivering and me mainbrace is splicing at the very thought of it, arrrr! Now where be me treasure map? Arrr!

Bleurgh!

As predicted, feeling exceedingly seedy this morning. Never drink anything blue.

Right!

That’s it, I'm off to lose some golf balls. Then I'll lose some brain cells.

Bleurgh!

Ever so slightly hungover this morning due to several pints of Guinness and a rather nice curry with Simon, Andy and Tim (no blog) in balmy Balham, gateway to the South. Golf this afternoon followed by beers in Southampton. I predict a massive hangover tomorrow.

Annoying...

...isn't it?

I got it from that Bastard Mark

Update: I'm afraid it had to go.

It’s not often you meet a Scouse Sith Efrikan

But when you do, you get quality gags like...

I couldn’t figure out why the frisbee was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Many thanks to Paul for this little gem

New blogrollers over there on the right

I’ve been reading these blogs for a while and thought I should blogroll them. So, go say hello (if you haven’t already) to Bastard Mark, D4D and Scary Duck.

Young people and their loud music

I caught the train this morning for a change. A bunch of schoolgirls got on at Petersfield and started talking loudly about music. I tuned out when they were talking about Gareth Gates but soon pricked up my ears at the mention of The Beatles. One of them claimed that "Hey Jude" was the best song ever. They all joined in and sang "Hey Jude" and laughed at the fact that the "nah nah nah nah nah" goes on "like forever". They then discussed The Beatles for twenty minutes, singing snippets from "When I’m 64", "I am the Walrus", "Yellow Submarine", "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and so on.

Fantastic, there is hope yet!

By the way Tad, "Lucy in the sky with diamonds" was not done by Wings, even fourteen year old schoolgirls know that!"

Staff selection

We just had a fire drill. On the way back in we were all given a number between one and six by a senior manager. Later today they are planning to have a ceremonial rolling of a big fluffy dice in the boardroom over tea and stickies. If whatever comes up matches the number you were given, you get to keep your job.

Update: I'm joking of course. You can't go around firing people on the roll of a fluffy dice, that would be unethical and probably against several European Union employment laws. It was a proper dice borrowed from the MD's monopoly set and they had to use a beaker to make sure it was properly shaken.

One in three drivers...

...would fail new test questions. Pointless. You can look up where the dipstick is in the manual, or you could ask a grown up. If in doubt, it’s usually between the driver’s seat and the steering wheel. What a waste of time and energy. You will probably find that most of the two in three who can answer the question couldn’t pass the eyesight test and don’t know or care what most of the road signs mean anyway. What’s the point of being able to check the oil at zero miles per hour when you can’t see where you’re going and you don’t know the rules of the road.

Try asking how to hold a mobile phone on a roundabout without spilling your coffee on your cigarette, I bet they wouldn’t fail that one. Try asking why, if unsure of the speed limit, 50mph is considered acceptable regardless of the actual (higher or lower) limit. Try asking why they’re unsure of the speed limit in spite of it being made perfectly clear in the Highway Code. Try asking when they last read the Highway Code. Try asking how often they perform a practice emergency stop or why the two second rule is a self governing system of how much distance to leave between you and the vehicle in front. Ask them how to recognise when they are, themselves, driving badly. Ask them what they think about whilst driving. Fix the feking problems; don’t add another layer of crap to the already large enough crap mountain.

Too difficult? Let’s ban hunting!

Window number five please!

I had a strange experience at the Post Office today. I went in and two minutes later I came out with exactly what I went in for. Well bugger me!

People...

...who refer to children as "small person" in that hand knitted muesli eating, low fat, decaffeinated, macrame'd, NCT, Greenham Common, tofu burger, pilates, montesorri, contented little baby book, pureed lentil kind of way make me want to spit!

A sad, sad story

On my way to work this morning I saw a "missing" poster on a bus. I just read this, it's the same boy, he's been missing for two years. I have a son, I can only imagine how his family feel today.

Outraged of Haslemere

Hey Billy, I don’t read the Daily Mail, RIGHT! There are no picture of half clad young ladies showing their bossoms in that worthless rag, and quite frankly their coverage of motorcycling is somewhat lacking! I read Motorcycle News and The Sun to get the balanced view of neveratossBlog.

Hey, it's in the Guardian, it must be true

I took the Guardian's "Are you an irritating colleague?" quiz, it said this about me...

You are the perfect, dream colleague. Your sunny disposition is cheering and you ALWAYS make the tea. Please feel free to drop down Guardian Unlimited's chimney once the wind changes.

Warraloadofbollox.