Closing the stable door 101

The project that I'm working on is reaching the "shouting, screaming and apportioning blame" phase with just over a month to go before go-live. One of the key User Acceptance Testers has been sent on a testing course this week. I'm presuming that after the implementation, all of the programming team will be sent on an introduction to programming course and the project management team (which resembles the cast of extras in Ben Hur bless 'em) will be sent on an idiot's guide to project management course. It's all a bit back arsewards if you ask me, which of course you didn’t.

It all adds up

How much does it cost to make a music video?

via adactio

Reduce, re-use, recycle

In a bid to protect the environment and reduce landfill, here's a recycled joke.

So...

Two Mexicans have been lost in the desert for weeks and are at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something, they spy through the heat haze a big tree way off in the distance. As they get closer they can see to their amazement that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, streaky bacon, little bacon bits and life-giving, juicy, nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. "Hey, Pepe", says the first bloke, "Eesa bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!" "You're right, amigo!" says Pepe. So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree, salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's a rattle of machine gun fire and Pepe is shot down in a hail of bullets. His friend dives down on to the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?" With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run, amigo, run!! Ees not a Bacon Tree! Ees...a....Ham Bush."

Boom, tish, eyethangyew!

Via an email from Noel

Lies, damned lies, statistics and mayonnaise on a brown bap

Here's a scary thought or two. If, like me, you spend around £5.00 per day on your lunches at work (real men eat two sandwiches), based on a 46 week year, you shell out £1,150.00 per year on sandwiches, crisps, chocolate bars, etc. Now let's say that you earn a salary of say £36,000.00. You have to work for a week and a half just to earn the money to pay for the food that you eat whilst you're at work. Again, if like me you spend around £30.00 per week on petrol getting to work, based on the same 46 week year, that's £1,440.00. Another week and a half's wages to simply pay for the privilege of sitting in traffic twice a day just to stick your nose to the grindstone.

Madness I tell you, madness.

Ooh look it's raining

Let's all go out and re-enact the chariot race from Beh Hur on the A3.