Link whoring

I’ve had neveratossBlog up and running for a while now, I’ve amazed my family and friends by doing so, they’ve seen or read a different side to me. I visit other blogs on a fairly regular basis (mainly to nick ideas) so I’ve added some them to my list of blogs over there on the right. It’s not link whoring, honest, I read them, I do, I really do. I’ve even had comment converations with some of them. So, if you’re visiting neveratossBlog and have nothing better to do, go have a look at some others.

It wasn't me, it was me mate

Here’s one for a Friday afternoon “how dodgy are you?”

I got thirty eight years in the shovel and pick and a nine and a half grand fine.

Another one via Snowgoon

There's more culture in a dirty milk carton

Cathy and I are going to Rome next weekend to celebrate our wedding anniversary. I was just thinking about what to do and see. I was reminded of Stu’s stag weekend last year. About twenty five of us went to Rome to get drunk and watch England wallop Italy at rugby. Before the game we split up into smaller groups and wandered around aimlessly looking at stuff. On the way to the ground we met up with some of the lads...

Lads: “We’ve just been to the Spanish Steps.”
Us: “But these are the Spanish Steps.”
Lads: “We’ve just been to some steps then.”

For the first time in my life there is no grey area

I've finally got rid of the annoying grey space over there on the right. Now I need to fill it up with nonsense of some kind or another. I'm thinking of a caricature of yours truly but am (as always) open to suggestions.

Update: I now need to find something to fill the empty grey area between my ears.

Breaking news

A fight broke out in Finn’s Fish Bar late last night. A man was hit over the head with a prawn cocktail. And that was just for starters.

Eyethankyew

Baby boomers

Congratulations to friends Steve “The Arch” and his wife Debbie on the birth of their daughter Annie last week. Very happy for you both.

Born to be wiiiiiiiild

I made a couple of rather spirited overtakes this morning. A Honda Fireblade makes a grrrrreeeeeeaaaaaaat noise at 10,500rpm.

Inappropriate use of slow

Speed is dangerous. Bollocks! Inappropriate use of speed is dangerous, or in the case of the knob in the green Mercedes estate this morning, inappropriate use of slow is dangerous. He was joining the M3 at 35mph because he was too busy chatting on his mobile to notice that he was actually decelerating into 70mph traffic.

Boohbah

I know a little boy who’s going to love the Boohbah Zone.

via Snowgoon thanks Gordon.

A moral tale

So, this Eskimo was out fishing in his kayak one day and he was freezing. When he got home to his igloo he went out to the workshop and knocked together a brazier which could be fitted to his kayak to keep him nice and warm. The next day he was out fishing again and thanks to his brazier he was all nice and toasty. Suddenly a wave came along and rocked the kayak, a hot coal fell from the brazier and set it alight. Eskimo, Kayak, fishing rod and brazier ended up in Davey Jones’ locker. The moral of this sad tale is....

...you can’t have your kayak and heat it.

Eyethankyew.

...looks like you've blown a seal

Apparently a seal caused the recent space shuttle disaster. Now, I’m no rocket scientist so will someone explain what they were doing with a seal on a spaceship.

Beer breaks and corned beef tins

That’s it, I’m moving to Denmark, they can have beer breaks at work and they don’t have an unelected House of Lords to waste their taxes discussing the dangers of corned beef tins rather than important stuff like beer breaks.

A sense of urgency

The word urgent is seriously over used; it is on every email, every request, and every task. To make things really urgent capitals and repetition are employed (URGENT URGENT URGENT). Now, let’s get things into perspective here, it is a computer system that looks after long term investments, nobody is going to die, nothing is on fire, there are no hoards of naked, screaming, barbarian, berswerkers running towards us brandishing axes so it is not feking urgent really. IS IT?

It’s official, you can get pissed on Stella Artois.

Right, I’m off to the pub!

May the Ground Force be with you ...

Welcome to Gardener’s Question Time, on the panel this week we have Alan Titchmarsh, star of Ground Force, and author of How to be a gardener. Alan is joined by his Ground Force co-star, Charlie Dimmock who specialises in water features, lugging huge stones and having great big unfettered Bristols. The Ground Force is strong in our third panelist, The Dark Lord Darth Vadar who is taking time out from his quest for domination of the known universe to share his love and knowledge of the ancient Jedi art of topiary.

Show us your hits

I should get hit number 1,000 today. If it’s you, say hello. If it’s not you, say hello anyway.

Topiary

Nice weekend doing stuff around the house and garden. I never thought I’d say this but there’s something really therapeutic about trimming a hedge. It might be the fact that you handle the trimmers rather like you would a light sabre (well it was Star Wars day). I don’t think I’m ready for full on topiary yet but give me until the end of summer and I might be able to knock up a reasonable peacock, or cock up a reasonable peaknock or something. Even more satisfying was the chopping down and burning of a couple of scrawny shrubs which have been taking up space without adding anything to the garden. I had a willing helper in Sam. It was a pleasure to see his little face as he ran full tilt down the garden towards me with a pair of open secateurs in his outstretched hand, bless him.