The clue is in the name

You have a mobile phone. This means that it is a phone and that it is mobile. TAKE IT WITH YOU WHEN YOU GO FOR A SMOKE (Simon!)

Update: Apparently his wife desperatley needed to contact him because she couldn't find the corkscrew!

Get it down yer neck - You know you have to.

Have I missed something here or is the current furore about compulsory twenty four hour drinking a bit of a storm in half a cooking? What if I don't want to drink all day? What if I'm a bit tired after work and want to go home? They can't make me! I'm an adult, I'll do what the hell I damned well want to!

When Margaret Thatcher introduced "All Day Drinking" we worked it out for ourselves over a beer or twenty. Ditto when all day Sunday drinking was introduced.

Ficking idiots, it's not compulsory, it#'s optional. It works everywhere else in Europe.

Excuses excuses

"I can't come into work today, I'm sick."
"How sick are you?"
"I'm in bed with my sister!"
"That's really sick!"

I'd like to claim it as my own but... thanks Stuart.

The great republican debate

In light of the latest knob headedness from the exceedingly over privileged, third in line to the throne, educated at Eton, about to go to Sandhurst, wealthy beyond belief, able to shag any supermodel he damned well feels like, ginger tosser. I feel that I should raise the age old republican question of… The Windsors, should we hang them or should we shoot them?

Cor blimey Carruthers, fetch me bloomin' deadline gun

I just noticed that today is 12th January. Not an amazing fact in the grand scheme of things but it means that I've been in my current job for a year. That's twelve months of gainful employment chasing impossible deadlines, shifting priorities, pointless meetings, spaghetti code, adminstrivia and 1970s programming languages. To celebrate this important date I'm off to the pub at lunchtime followed by a commemorative impossible deadline chase up Esher High Street.