That reminds me...

...must buy some dental floss.



Well it is Poets day.

Twaaaaaang, Ow!

I just walked past the glass room where we keep our computer operators. There was a full scale rubber band war going on. Reeeeespect!

Here chook chook chook chook....

There’s got to be a gag about Salma Hayek "choking the chicken" in here somewhere.

How English am I?

Well, according this Guardian quiz...

There is some corner of cyberspace that is forever England, and that part is you. Reserved yet fiercely jingoistic, you believe the globe should still be coloured pink but are too polite to say so.

Jolly Good, wot?

Right, that's it, enough is efekingnough!

I was overtaking a line of cars on a fast stretch of the A272 this morning, quite a common occurrence. There were two cars in front of me doing the same thing, the road conditions were great and you could see for miles. All this was happening at around 65mph. As I started to pass a small grey hatchback, the man behind the wheel decided to join in the fun and pulled out to overtake. He didn't worry about that trivial stuff, you know, mirror, signal, manoeuvre, checking that there wasn't a nice motorcyclist occupying the space where he wanted his car to be. He just turned the wheel and pulled out leaving me with a choice of brake as hard as I could or die. All he had to do was turn his big fat stupid head a little and his peripheral vision would have spotted me, he should have heard me.

I survived but I'm getting pretty sick and tired of this, it's the second time this month. So, here's the plan. If your bad driving, not looking, pissing about with your mobile phone or any other stupidity causes me to take emergency action (or worse, emergency treatment), I will find out where you live and I will eat your children you dozy bastard.

Come on folks, you are in charge of a ton of metal travelling at 65mph, now I'm no Herbert Heinstein but I know that if you hit someone with a ton of metal doing that speed you're going to kill them. Wake the fuck up!

The Gettysburg Address... format

I upgraded to BloggerPro a while ago, I like it. Now it's being incorporated into standard Blogger that the poor people use. I'm assured that the functionality I paid for will still be available and I've been offered a "Hooded Blogger Sweatshirt", or a pro-rata refund of my $35.00pa as compensation. I can live with this, no hassles, no worries, fair enough. Blogging is new, it's bound to change, to move with the times.

So, I've decided to go for the "hoody" option and tried to fill in the online form.

BUT...

I see this time and again on websites (my latest was Symantec). Why don't US Americans understand that the rest of the world doesn't conform to their standard address format. I don't live in a city, so making city a required input is not great. I don't live in a state (apart from confusion), so a pulldown list containing Alabama to Wyoming is a bit pointless. I don’t have a zip code which conforms to the US Postal System standard, so vaildation of same is a bit crepe. I live in England, which is near Britain, we have a few cities but many of us live in towns or villages which are in counties and have postcodes. Imagine if you were in the US and you were forced to work around the British postal address system. It can't be that difficult to capture the country name and derive the address format rules, can it?

Even I could do that (there's an idea).

They’re all at it

Another new one that I may or may not have played a part in spawning is Dear Witho. Go say hello, but watch your spelling.

Consecutive number plate spotting

If I were into CNPS, which I’m not, I would have got a 16 and a 17 yesterday on my way home from work. Which means that I would now be looking for an 18. I saw an 18 between the 16 and 17 but that doesn’t count because it’s not consecutive and would just be NPS. Of course I’m not into CNPS so it doesn’t really matter.

Who da blog daddy? Who da Daddy?

Looks like I’ve spawned another blog. Go have a look at Tilesey’s Blog. I’m sooooo proud. Hope he post a little more often than Swiss Tony.

It's raining...

...better start driving like a twat then!

Another English world champion

I’d just like to mention that as well as our Rugby players walloping France at the weekend, and our cricketers salvaging their self respect in fine style against South Africa, another Englishman has won the World Superbike Championship. This of course merited a three second slot on the sports news just after a full match report of the Grimsby versus Great Yarmouth under sevens football match and a story about a duck who plays snooker. Well done to Neil Hodgson.

There are some great slideshows of the competition here if you're interested.

Lunch break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that
they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get
a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes
for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.

via BastardMark

Complete this well known phrase or saying...

..Right, that's it, I’m off to play...

Scimonoce!

Is it me or are the economics of this situation a little back asswards? A colleague needed some printer cartridges. He went to a local stationery shop and bought a printer with two cartridges for £40.00, took out the cartridges out and threw away the printer.

Flying the nest

A tearful cathy dropped Sam off for his first day at nursery school this morning, they grow up so fast, sniff!

Update: Sam dropped out of his fist half day at nursery school.

Supermarket scream

There was a screaming toddler in the supermarket yesterday morning. He began screaming as soon as his Dad dragged him off the Bob the Builder ride outside the main door and his Mum sat him in the trolley. His parents tried everything, coaxing, bribery, distraction, stiff words. They finally settled on the "ignore the hell out of the little darling" approach. Nothing worked and he screamed all the way though fruit and vegetable, he kicked and struggled through the dairy section and he wept uncontrollably through toiletries. He saved the best for last, hitting the grand finale at the checkout. People were looking, single people with no kids were doing that eye rolling thing and vowing that they would make their children behave when they have them. Other parents were giving that empathetic "We know what you’re going through." kind of look. Older people were giving that "In my day...." kind of look. We ignored everyone and took the little sod home where he became sweetness and light again, thus avoiding spending the rest of the day locked in the "Spider Cupboard", mwahahahahah!