Beer + Bloggers = Great Ideas

An idea from last night. What we need is a Retro-Code Cutting Engine. This would enable companies to keep their monolithic RPG and Cobol systems but to maintain them using modern languages and ideas. Here's what it would do. You drag and drop your source code into the twenty-first century using the Legacy Code Import Toolkit (technical note: this will be a bit of a bugger to develop). Then you develop and test your software using your object oriented language of choice, agile programming techniques etc. Finally, you hit the button (technical note: make it a big red button) and generate massive, unmaintainable clumps of legacy code which can then be implemented as if it had been churned out by an army of grey haired code grinders such as myself. There will of course be a Complexity Matrix, a Bug Generator and a Redundancy Widgit to give it that authentic look and feel. I'll get some coding sheets, let's throw some bodies at it and get cracking, we've got an aggressive deadline to meet.

Comments should clarify your code

Each night, a process will run checking for plans in GPF which will hit their SGD within 2 working days (measured counting back from weekend +3 all dates in btween day before then and including date 2 working days hence).

Obviously the work of an evil genius.

Via Swiss Toni

Does it do what it says on the box?

In a previous job they had a "clump" of software called the "Online Matrix" which was meant to manage printed output. It was neither online nor was it a matrix: it managed printed output only with a great deal of manual intervention. Today I are mostly fighting with a product called "Connect:Direct" which is supposed to handle the transmission of data between platforms via FTP. Funnily enough it doesn't connect and it isn't direct. Apart from that, it's crap (in my opinion) and we might as well print out the data and stick it in the post (or up our arses).

Beers this evening

At the Old Fire Station with Simon and Swiss Toni. Three bloggers and several pints of Fullers finest London Pride should make for some serious bullshit.

Anyone else care to join us?

Urgent, important, critical

Our project management team (of many) will be using the above words in every correspondence, conversation, phone call and email over the next couple of weeks. It would be very helpful if you would all refrain from using them during this period of high demand. Thank you for your co-operation in this urgent, important and critical matter.