Birthday boy and birthday girl

Today is both Sam's and Cathy's birthday. Sam is five and Cathy is not. So it's a very happy birthday to two thirds of my lovely family.

Mine's in two weeks in case anyone cares.

Your call is important to us... Press "1" to be put through to the completely wrong number

There's a guy in the call centre who has already featured, and will be featuring quite regularly, around these parts. His main job today seems to be to explain to a customer, as if to an idiot, that he or she has dialled the wrong number and that they are, in fact, quite stupid really.

I wish you could hear him.

Stick it up your... tralalalalal!

A short distance from my desk is a bunch of trendy youngsters serving what I could only imagine is some kind community service as call centre operators: else, they were right evil sonsabitches in a previous life. One of the little bastards just started whistling. Now, I don't have a problem with whistling but, he was whistling "Brown Girl in the Ring" by Boney Fucking M. It has taken me almost thirty years to get that mind numbing, shit headed, fucked up, nasal, stupid, repetetive, ridiculous piece of musical pap out of my head and some twit half my age comes along and puts it back in there whilst I'm sitting at work!

Where the hell did he get it from?

Vive la difference, en garde, ha ha, aaaargh, vive la guerre, ouch, I’m telling on you, that's not fair, Mummmmmeeeee!

After a sly trip to the pub yesterday afternoon, Cathy and I went to collect Sam from his second birthday party of the weekend. As we walked into the Scout Hut, there was a very tired looking clown and two distinct groups of e-numbered children. One group had little balloon animals and were playing rather nicely with each other: girls yuk! The other group had big balloon swords and were re-enacting the final battle scene from The Return of the King. A flailing blur in the center of this maelstrom stopped for a split second, acknowledged me as his father, parried, thrust, reposted and lay waste to his mighty opponent before charging across the Scout Hut with a blood curdling scream.