Bottom feeders

A recruitment consultant suggested to me yesterday that I should be, well, a recruitment consultant. Surely, before I descend to such scatological depths, I need to acclimatise myself by spending at least one lifetime each as (in no particular order): an independent financial advisor, a hyena, an estate agent, a rat, a lawyer, a leech, a politician, a slug, a celebrity and a tapeworm.

Note: I have nothing against hyenas, rats, slugs, leeches or tapeworms: they all serve their purpose in the natural order.

Mind your Ps and Qs

On Christmas Day, Sam was struggling with packaging. He was muttering under his breath, "Bloody sticky tape, bloody, bloody sticky tape." I had a quiet chat and suggested that he didn't use the word "bloody" as it is a grown up swear word. Later on, his Grandma heard him saying it again. She also suggested that he didn't use the word and added that he sounded like a Cockney (she's from a posh place up North). Sam was puzzled by the Cockney reference so asked what she meant. She explained that Cockneys swear a lot (I told you she was from a posh place up North). Sam's next question caused great mirth, "Is Daddy a Cockney?"

Buggerit!