Pass the tissues ooooooh ooooooooh oooooooooh!

My friend Mark has a theory that you can tell how a woman orgasms by the way she sneezes.

Bend zee kneez

I'm starting to see more and more people hobbling around on crutches or sporting plaster casts on their wrists. It must be time to book a skiing holiday!

More Teamicide

One of my (non-IT) colleagues had to attend an interview for his own job this week. Today he is undergoing psychometric testing as part of the same process. In my opinion, the guy has been doing his job very well for at least two years. What are they trying to do?

Chugging

A rather nice young chap came a knocking on my door last night just as I was about to give Sam his bath. The conversation went a little bit like this...

"Good evening Sir, I'm from Friends of the Earth, have you ever thought of supporting us?"
"Actually I have, but I'm a wee bit busy at the moment to be saving the planet: I have a little boy in need of a bath."
"Who is it Daddy?"
"Just a minute Sam. As you can see I'm a little busy."
"Daddy, who is it?"
"Just a minute Sam."
"Can I take one of your leaflets and deal with this later."
"Who is it Daddy?"
"I could come back on Wednesday, say around the same time."
"Who is it Daddy?"
"This is not an ideal time of the evening to come a knocking. I'll make a decision and deal with it through your website."
"Who is it Daddy?"
"Well you could do that but then you won’t be able to do gift aid."
"Who is it Daddy?"
"Yes I will."
"Who is it Daddy?"
"But…"
"Who is it Daddy?"
"Fek off you beardie tree hugging twit or else you'll be proving just how friendly you are with the earth by spending the rest of eternity in a shallow grave in my back garden with a spade in your skull and your arse sticking out so that I have somewhere to park my bike. I am busy!"

As I closed the door, the telephone rang, it was a recruitment consultant...

The trouble with Christmas is…

…too much religion.

A conversation with Sam this weekend.

Sam, where do you live?
Here.
Ah! Do you know the address?
123 My Street.
Very good, which town do you live in?
This one.
OK, what's it called.
Bethlehem.

A letter

Due to unforseen circumstances your appointment on 26th September 2006 has been cancelled.

Unforseen?